So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
