There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
