i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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