Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
