dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
