You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
