I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
