I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
