wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I only lived at night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
