OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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