I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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