After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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