I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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