your thong is hanging out like whoa
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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