Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
