Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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