wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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