cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
