i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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