I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
