I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
