Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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