Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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