Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
