Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
