Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
