She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
