No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
