i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
