Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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