At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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