What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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