I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
