Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am naked and annoyed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize