Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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