Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
