she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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