just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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