just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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