Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
