We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
