they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
