she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
