I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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