this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
