Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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