Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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