just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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