My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
