I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
