Barsexuality is the new black.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.