ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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