Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary