I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend