Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.