Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"