Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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