Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He felt like a one man threesome
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.