I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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