ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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