The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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